Yesterday, I was reading an article and caught myself skipping words. Actually, that's an understatement. I ended up reading every third word, at best. I still understood the text but it left me feeling rushed and dissatisfied. Lately, this habit of rushing though a million things and not getting anything done properly has crept up in most parts of my life. I have always had a tendency to plan ahead instead of enjoying the moment but it has got worse. A lot worse. I still get annoyed about bad moments because they screw up my plans for later but I rarely enjoy good ones. There is always this looming feeling of a mountain of things to do ahead of me. Periodically, I just panic and procrastinate because I just can't face it. Afterwards, I'm mad at myself for doing so and behind on my plans and the cycle continues. So, long story short, I need to slow down.
I am planning on keeping my "To Do" lists but I won't write them for the day, I will write them for the week and use a limited space. Anything that doesn't fit will have to go on next weeks list. The space I usually reserve for my daily lists, I want to use to note down happy moments, nice comments and smiles. I want to get up a little earlier to have time for a cup of tea. I want to actually take lunch breaks and go for a walk. I want to read less and learn more.
December will be my month to rest, my month to linger, my month to savour. I want to live in the moment and ditch excessive planning. I want to enjoy the process, instead of always planning for the time "after I have done everything" which either never arrives or during which I then suddenly don't know what to do with myself.
And now I am ignoring the messy kitchen and going outside, because the sun just came out and it looks beautiful.